Evening gown

Just to inform everybody here. I finally saw my evening gown today! I went for my first fitting today and Tan Yoong said I can collect it next week. Muahahaha, my wedding is one week and 3 days from today.

I have brought my matress and I am still left with a comforter, quilt cover, bed sheets and two pillows. My mum still need to buy two table lamps, baby tubs, pails for me. I still need to finish making my living room curtains and hopefully my bedroom curtains, clean up my cat's paws prints on my living room.

I think I am on schedule except for the curtains part. I hope my curtains will turn out nice.

My ikea furniture came today.

I really worked hard today. Vacumme and mopped the floor, built up two side table with drawers for my bed and do a lot of housework. My queen side bed, sofa and two wall mounted shelves came and suddenly my house look crowed.

Death near my wedding

Two more persons were not be coming to my wedding. My mother's sister's mother in-law die two months ago and my mother's sister family cannot come to my wedding. I dunno where this "law" came about and because her family cannot come, I have got half a table empty now.

This week, one of my hubby's uncle died. We got four tables of relatives not coming to our wedding suddenly. We are now having problem invitating people to our wedding. I got so much empty tables. This is one of the problem you will face if you decide to hold a wedding dinner.

My ikea furniture will be coming tomorrow and I am very eager to see them coming too.

My hubby is depress again.

After all the crying, I have straighten up my thoughts and pick myself up.

I guessed my hubby was depressed again. Maybe it is wrong of me to cried infront of him and just run out of the house like that. But I cannot control that, I was feeling very sad too.

I guess he will sms me in the middle of the night again, telling me all that stuffs again.

I think for my part, I will have to tell myself that I will be marrying a depress husband in two weeks time, stay with him forever that way and tried to change him for the better. I need to keep myself sane at the same time while we are going through life, we have taken our vows three years ago that we will be going through thick and thin.

Well, if he start smoking again, I will just have to wipe my tears dry and tell him that it hurts me when you smoke. I will also have to recognise the fact that his depression will have the possibility to pass on to his future children if he has one. I will also have to be his children consultor too.

I hope that he will not end his life as he has promise me not to five years ago. I had reminded him that the last depression he got and he said sorry he might break the promise. Sometime, it make me so frighten hearing him said all these things. I think I need to see a doctor myself if this goes on.

Gou Da Li

I go through my Gou Da Li today. It is a small event where the groom family will bring food stuff and gold and money to the bride home and the bride family will return some of the stuffs.

I am also very sad today. After mopping the floor, clean my kitchen, my hubby told me that he has been smoking again. I felt so cheated. I ran out of the house, cried in the public and cry as I am typing this. I dunno why he has to spoilt my marriage like this. I really hate him now.

I dunno why I had to marry this man. I am thinking about divorving him right now. I know I am getting very emotional now. I cannot think straight. Why does he has to say all these things two weeks to our wedding. I hate him now.

Ang Bow Money

I was stressed out again this afternoon.

I told my mum that I will be giving her the ang bow from those 5 tables she requested instead of writing them a cheque. My sister disagreed and said that nobody do that.

My mum asked me to seek advices from my sister since she is married two years ago. My sister kept saying that it is only right that we give a sum to my parents in the mode of cash or cheque not ang bows. I explained that it does not really matter because the money will still come from the ang bow collect from those 5 tables of guest. She continue to say that there will be people that do not write their names on those angbow and so how are we going to know who are the people.

I dun think that we are having a proper discussion with my sister. She is telling me what to do instead of discussing it with me. She is not even looking at the pro and cons from both sides and just because she has not heard or seen anybody giving angbows she said that nobody do it like that. For the whole afternoon, I was really piss off. I almost ran out of the house.

I have a discussion with my hubby. Sometime, I think my hubby is really good in anlysis stuffs. He agreed that we should give the ang bows back to my parents instead of writing a cheque. The reason is that we do not know how much to write. What if the cheque we give is too little? If we give my parents the unopen angbows from those 5 tables and it turn out to be very little, then my parents cannot anything.

Trial Makeup




I went for my trial makeup today. I think I look ok with my full makeup, hairdo, accessories and my wedding gown. Actually, I caught my sister, who went with me today, looking shock when I put on my wedding gown. I loved that effect, but I still think I look ok only. I guess I am just not confident with myself.

My makeup artist wanted me to get the flower you see above for my hairdo on my actual day. I have email the picture to my ex-colleague who will be in-charge of my flowers.

I have nothing else to do for my wedding gown. All I need to do is wait for my hubby to tell me when is he free to go down to pick up my wedding gown.

I am left with two weeks two days to my actual day and the amazing thing is that I still have not see my evening gown yet. Surprisingly, I have not freak out yet.

Ikea

I have went to ikea by myself today and has brought 2 glass wall mounted shelves, all the curtains rods for the whole house, our bed, 2 bed side table, sofa & 6 foldable chairs. I have spend $2000++ including installation and delivery.

I have chosen a white bed with 2 white side table for our master bedroom. I dun see any other colour that is pleasing to my eyes althought our white bed might not look good when it is old. I am going to shop for my pretty bedsheet which I think I will be more excited than shopping for my bed.

I find ikea curtains a bit expensive and ended up did not get any. I think I will still make my own curtains althought I have no ideas how our bedroom is going to look like. My hubby can be difficult to please. I just hope that whatever I have choosen today, he will not complain later. It is a bit tiring to shop on my own. If things were for myself only, I will not have feel so stress.

I am thinking of a pretty pink girlish bed sheet now. I hope my hubby will agree.

Facial done

Had done my fourth facial today and cut my hair in front. I think the hairdresser made my hair look really bad. I hope my make up artist can come out with something good. I think I have to quit going to that shop to cut my hair again, but then, where else can I go? I hate changing hairdresser.

We went to shop for our bed at Ang Mo Kio's court today and did not see the bed that we wanted. Surprisingly, that big courts did not offer us many beds and we did not even see the sofa we wanted.

Back at home, I took out the ikea catalog and saw a nice white queen size bed. I sms my hubby and ask if it is all right with him. He gave an ok sign and tomorrow I am going to ikea...alone. I have to buy my bed, 2 side table, curtain rods, maybe curtains, sofa, coffee table, shelves for my toys and maybe wall shelve, by myself. I think this marriage is going to make me stronger.

Gold

Today, my mother in-law brought $1700 worth of gold for me. These gold will be given on Gou Da Li and the wedding actual day itself. My mother in-law's mother will be giving me one of the gold ring she brought today. I must said that they will very generous. However, on my way back, my hubby told me that he has given my mother in-law $2000 for her to buy gold for me.

My hubby has order the cakes vouchers and the cakes to be deliver to my house on Gou Da Li. I also have shifted a little bit more things to my new house and cleaned up a little bit of the house. It was really tiring trying to do so many things.

I realise that my wedding is just very near. I am getting excited too.

nice things my hubby just said to me

I got to share something with everybody here. This is what my hubby said to me just now.

"Even if we screw up our wedding, we are still married. It is not like an exam which if you screw up you still have to retake the paper. So why are you so kan cheong?"

Sometime, I think my hubby will say the nicest thing at the correct time. I dun know if you agreed to this but the words make me less stress.

Psycharistrist? His answer is NO!

I went for my evening gown measurement and my wedding gown fitting today. I can see my wedding gown getting very pretty each time I went and I am so happy to see things are ready.

My hubby called me during my evening gown session and asked me to accompany him to see a doctor. He complains of a terrible headache and we went to the hospital after my wedding gown fitting. We waited soooooo long in the hospital and the doctor gives my hubby a pill and make him wait at the reception for one hour to see if there is any reaction.

My hubby told me that the pill was a mind relaxator and if any vomitting or faint occur, then he will have to be ward in. The doctor checked him and realise that there was nothing wrong with him. After 3 hours of waiting, we finally get ourself out of the hospital and finally go for our dinner.

While we were in the hopsital, I asked my hubby if I can go in with him to see the doctor. He asked me why I wanted to do that. I told him that I wanted to make sure that he answer all doctor questions correctly. My hubby gives me a weird face. I give him an example, if the doctor asked if he ever thinks of taking his own life, I will have to make sure he answered "yes".

My hubby look at me with his weird face again,"No I did not think of taking my own life".

"Oh yes, you did", I quickly said,"You just told me that last night."

"No, I told you I am having a headache and I feel like dying", he tried to explain.

"Then why do you sms me your POSB pin number and remind me of your insurance?" I question him.

"That was because just in case I really dies", he answered.

Then he asked me:"You think I am suffering from depression?"

I said:"yes".

He looked at me and laughed, then he did not said anything.

I asked him again:"How about you go and see a psycharistrist?"

He answered:"No!".

"How about I go with you to see a psycharistrist?", I asked again.

He answered:"No!".

"How about I pay for the fees to see a psycharistrist?", I asked again.

He answered:"No!".

I think I am giving up. I have to just pray hard that he do not call me in the middle of the night and talk about his death and his insurance.

My hubby needs consultation

After crying for the whole night, I think I have straighten up my thoughts. It is quite clear that my hubby is suffering from depression and he needs consultation fast. I will still go on with my wedding, in the mean time, try to get my hubby to see a doctor.

Getting him to see a doctor is a very difficult part. He dun believe in seeing one in the first place and he feels that only insane people go for consultation. He thinks that it is a waste of time and money and he will even tell me what he expected the doctor to say to him. It is going to be a very difficult part.

In the mean time, I think I shall have to read up some tropics on depression and maybe see one myself. I need to act fast before he do anything silly to himself. I dun want to be a widow yet.

I am having a hard time now.

I have went out with my friend today and had a wonderful time with her. We went shopping and chatting and I reached home around mid-night.

My hubby then call me and told me he got a very bad headache. He told me that he cannot sleep and think that he is dying. I told him to eat some panadol and go and try to sleep. He told me he has already eaten 10 pills of panadol and is still having that bac headache. He kept saying that he is dying and asked me to claim his insurance if he dies.

I kept telling him that he is making me very worried and tell him not to talk about this type of things. He also told me to write down his saving bank pin number so that I could withdraw the money out when he dies. I told him that he will be all right and I only wants him to be all right and nothing else.

He told me that he kept a secret from me. He told me that he has been smoking. Upon hearing that I broke down. You may thinks that there is nothing wrong with smoking. Well, I cannot accept my hubby to smoke.

When I know him, he is smoking like 2 packets a day. I told him straight that I cannot accept someone who smoke to be my boyfriend or husband. Because of me, he quit smoking in 6 months time and did everything to touch my heart. I was very moved. Before we registered for our marriage three years ago, he did broke his promise once. I cried and he asked for forgiveness. I decided to give him a chance and married him. Come to think of it, I regreted now.

It is now less than a month to my big day. He told me that he smoke again. I felt cheated. I really hate him for that. He is always breaking my heart. It is hard enough trying to cope with somebody that is so negative and I just want to try to believe in him and trust him. He has broken his promise so many time. His reason is always he is stress. I am very tired to hearing this over and over again.

I really dunno what to do. Tomorrow I am going to try on my wedding gown and take measurement for my evening gown alone. I really dunno how to do all this things anymore. Am I going to married this man? or give him another chance and divorce him if he smoke again? I really felt so cheated.

This is what he just sms me:
"I am sorry; too stress. No means to break my promiss but can't do help it. It can relief my stress. If anthing happens, I love you forever. Sad to say; this is the only promiss i never break. I feel bad lying and hiding from you. Everything is my fault. I hate myself. If only i could never wake up..."

A very nicely done wedding album site

This is not mine. Well, I wish this is mine. The site was very nicely done and it inspire me to do something like that too. Ok, the question is which free hosting should I use? I dun wish to pay for my wedding album every year. Or shall I pay for one year only and forget about the second year?

Ok, I shall post the URL here. http://www.bcknot.com







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Food Tasting

We went for our food tasting today. My in-laws changed the whole set of menu and a few dishes. We have to pay $50 more for a table.

I dun wish to say anything now.

Wedding Songs

I have collected some songs for my wedding last night. Most of them will English songs which I think most of my guest will not understand. It is very difficult to collect chinese pop songs for wedding because a lot of them were sad songs.

I have decide to use Faye Wong, Wo Yuan Yi, for my 1st match-in and my sister will help me to do some editing to the song. I still dunno what to use for my second match-in.

By the way, my evening gown designer faxed me something yesterday after I make a few call to him.

We went to look for our bed again

It was so tiring. We cannot decide on what type. We cannot decide on how to decorate the room so that it look decent. I think we almost quarrel just like what we did when we first renovate our house. Except that this time, both of us were tired.

We went to Harvey Norman and saw some surprisingly cheap bed. There were a few of them that look quite nice but the headboard was a bit too high. On our way back, we went to Picker and Rail and we found a $599 bed that comes with a matress. It got a bit of country look but looking at the price, I think I can accept the look of it. Then we went to courts and found a platform bed that cost $549.

We have previously agreed that we will not buy a platform bed because my hubby finds it a bit too low. However we saw a lot of platform bed that I like and I think my hubby can see that I like too. He also prefer a king size bed but having measured our bedroom, we find that a king size bed was not feasible at all. At one point, my hubby wanted a diva set bed but I find it too bulky. I also do not like the leather look in my bedroom. I really dunno what we wanted.

Anyway, my hubby tell me to make the decision. He also asked me to buy the bed myself. I felt kind of sad because I thought we are suppose to do this kind of things together. However, whenever we discuss our house, we always ended up sulking at each other.

While he was driving me back, he told me that instead of painting the wall behind green, I can put up a green curtain. After a while, he told me that a green curtain is going to be very ugly. He continue to tell me that he is sick of seeing all the green in the house. He complains about our feature wall being green with the grey boxes on the wall collecting all the dust. He complain about our green bedroom door and he feel sick when he saw the white door frame that goes with the green door. Then he continue to whined about the house being dirty here and there. I was thinking that if he do not make the effort to clean up the house, it will be dirty. Then he continue to comment that our house is very difficult to maintain. The true fact is that our house is very empty, there was almost nothing to clean, but if you do not clean the window and the top of the table, of course things will be dirty. I did not tell him all this, I do not want to start a quarrel.

While I was typing all these, I realise that my hubby was really negative about everything. He was always complaining about me, about the house, about his mum and about his relative. I think I am going to have a hard life when I moved in. I am now still a happy go lucky girl but sometime I feel really sad when I was with him. I think I need something to keep myself sane.

Second Fitting (Wedding gown)

I went for my second fitting yesterday. My wedding gown fitted on me so nicely and I was quite happy with my designer. I brought my white tea dress to show my designer and she gives me a big white flowers with some beadings to go with it. I think my wedding gown designer is so nice.

I have not hear from my evening gown designer yet. He has promised to fax me my evening design last week and I have not seen it yet. He is really making me very nervous. I have tried to call them in the morning and it seems like they were not open yet. I have to remember to call them again in the afternoon.

Oh yes, somebody commented in Blog Explosion on why I call my hubby "hubby" since we were not married yet. We have actually registered our marriage three years ago so in the eyes of law, we are husband and wife. We are actually going through our preparation of our customary wedding.

I am very worried about my married life

We went shopping for our bed today. At first, we were all right. We walk around the first floor then we went to the second floor. It was at this time that I realise that his mood is changing again. After the second floor, we go ahead and shop at the third floor. We saw three bed that we like.

We went back to the second storey where we thought that one of the bed that we like was at the second storey. We walked around and cannot find the shop. We finally ended up at the first storey where we found that shop and enquire about the bed. Then we went to another shop and enquire another bed, then another shop and enquire another bed.

After all that, we went to have our dinner. From this moment, we were very quiet and I dun dare to talk as usual as I notice something was wrong with my hubby. After our dinner, I asked if I can go to our new house and take the measurement. I think I make a mistake to ask. I could just do it anytime and go there by myself, but that was my house and I paid for it. Why am I asking permission if I can go a not?

He did not rejected me, although I wished he did. He drove me to the new house and throughout the whole journey, we just keep quiet. We measured our room and realise that our master bedroom was really too small. It do not have the space to put in a king size bed which my hubby wanted. We had a small discussion and my hubby finally said that I will make the decision. I will have to go and get the bed myself and I will have to choose the bed myself. Then he started hitting his own head with his hands.

I kept quiet. Finally, I walk out of the room and one of my cat wanted to go into the room. My hubby screamed at my cat and my cat dashed out of the room. I dunno what to do.

My hubby finally came out of the room and I told him that it is time for me to go back and I will go back myself. He insisted that he will drive me home. I still remember the reckless journey on our way here. He went into the kitchen, I dunno how many panadol he takes (he got a record of taking ten panadol at one time).

I think we got another reckless journey home, but I was home in a piece. At the same time, I was really worried about his saftely. If he continue to drive like that, I am scare that I might lost him one day. I do not want to nag at him for driving like that because he might screamed at me if I do that.

He just sms me to said sorry and he was very stress about his work. I sms him back that he is making me very worried about our married life and I really do not wish that he call me now. I dun want to speak to him now. I know that I will cry if I talk to him now. If my mum will to see me crying, she will be very worried about me.

I dunno if these are the signs to tell me not to get married to this man. I know that I am not having my PMS now so I am not emotional about the whole thing. I guess if I am having my PMS now or if I am pregnant now, my thinking might go very wild. I think I am starting to have cold feet about getting married.

Lots of stuffs to do.

I have shifted more stuffs to my new house and pack those stuffs that I have shifted. I realise that I got a lot of junk and it will be nice if I can sell them in ebay or Yahoo auction when I sit at home after I get married. However, my hubby keeps complaining that I got too much stuffs.

I have also brought my wedding stickers, they are for sticking to tubs, bowls, doors, oranges, whatever. My mum reminded me that I will have to get my own suitcase which I have to put some of my clothing inside and after Gou Da Li, shift my clothing in my new suitcase to my new house. I am too lazy to go out and buy one, besides that, I have to remember to buy my bed, my bedsheet, paint my master bedroom, buy the curtains rods and install them, sew my curtains, etc.